what the fuck does this mean? [birds falling from the sky]

If you are as terrified of hearing whats really going on in the world as my mother seems to be you probably have not heard that since new years eve there have been a scary, but intriguing amount of mass animal deaths taking place all over the world [updated map of mass animal deaths].  Shockingly, I am not a scientist and I am sad to admit I am being overly typical and kind of hyping this story by taking it too much at face value, but the moment I have been waiting for has finally arrived, THE OFFICIAL RESULTS.

Most of these stories were originally filled with explanations I simply could not believe were to blame for 5,000 birds falling out of the sky at one time in the same place, or tens of thousands of fish washing up on the shore; but the experts seem to be sticking with these completely ludicrous theories. (Ew! and side note I just pulled up a report on this so I could be more accurate with this rant and just a warning birds that fell out of the sky to be splatted on the sidewalk is not cute).

The latest results from one of the original bird deaths, Arkansas on New Year’s Eve, are stating that it was in fact a loud noise OR fireworks that startled FIVE THOUSAND birds in their nests in a neighborhood and caused them to wake up and fly into buildings, trees and other deathly objects, then die because birds are not that great at seeing in the dark. Am I the only one thinking you’ve got to be fucking joking me?

First of all, loud noises and birds have existed pretty much forever and birds have not been this stupid before, certainly not in such a definite pattern correlating with many other species mass deaths. Night happens everyday and I am pretty sure some of the FIVE THOUSAND birds had been alive for more than one day. There have been mass animal deaths before, like 60,000 ducks dying after swimming into an oil patch they thought was more water to swim in.  Many mass animal deaths go unreported because they happen in a field or forests where its too naturey for most humans to care about, but part of me kind of thinks when have you ever seen 60,000 ducks at one time?? Also, the duck thing makes sense seeing how oil spills are kind of unexpected and what duck really understand the impact humans are having on the environment enough to be like “Oh, hey I better watch out for oil spills today while I’m looking for some fish to eat”, while the firework or startled response really does not do it for me.

I am not saying aliens or anything are causing this, or that the apocolyse is happening–I would just like to think that real scientists that work in a real lab would be able to find a better explanation for a reason why FIVE THOUSAND birds would literally drop out of the fucking sky. Can we also mention that no one knows what these loud noises were from as well?? Some people speculated fireworks, but really are there even fireworks on New Year’s Eve??

Its really cold out and I don’t know who is sober enough at midnight on NYE to stand outside and look at explosions with cool shapes and colors. None the less I pretty much love everything about these freak incidents and will be completely jealous of the drunk fucks who came across what must have been a crazy and disgusting crime scene until I get to report my own mass animal death, lets just hope its not cute kitty cats or snakes.


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This entry was posted in Celia, News, Opinion/Response, WTF. Bookmark the permalink.

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