Washington D.C.: Your Sass Monster Guide

Just recently, the two of us took a trip to visit our dear friend Kayla in our nation’s capitol, Washington D.C. Although we

surveyed the city as any normal tourists do, by visiting all the national monuments and important government buildings available to the public, we also shared a unique experience reviewing the people of D.C, as well as the entertainment available from the night scene in the city. We would like to share some of these interesting facts to our readers.

First we would like to prove to you that we were in DC…..check our FB page(s) for more photos 🙂

Of course we had to get a pic with our home state

Sadly you cannot sit on Lincoln's lap. Goal #1 of DC: FAIL


National History Museum, getting our yarn coral garden grove on 🙂

Working it on the pond in front of the Capitol Building







One day we will be inside reporting on all of the madness 🙂

First of all, everyone in D.C LOOOOVVVEEESSSS to run for exercise. Our sponsor and una amiga mejor, Kayla, mentioned this may possibly be because most inhabitants of D.C are of a type A personality. However, she failed to mention what we found out first hand; the amount of men runners who only choose to wear the shortest running shorts possible, as well as their tendency to have extremely muscular, yet freakishly skinny legs, available for all to see thanks to their fashion sense coming out of the NBA in the 1960s.

Tip: They don't wear these shorts in the NBA anymore for a reason.

Sorry DC runners, but it its just not appealing or appetizing to see your incredibly pale, skinny, stick legs holding up your body like a stick holds up a lollipop. Not cute at all. In fact, when we visited the Holocaust Museum it was not lost on us that there was a strong correlation between the disturbing pictures of emaciated, starving Jewish people who were barely still alive when they were saved in the military evacuations of the camps and most of the DC runners that we saw in the three days we spent in the city.

They did not chose to look like this, either should you.

Not only were these runners some of the most disturbing, ugly runners we have ever seen, but their running skills were not of much better quality. Due to their ultra slim legs, which seemed to be unable to function properly, most of the men were flailing about in a way that can not be good for their muscles while the rest of the runners who were not wearing their old school NBA gear had full winter suits on and were huffing and puffing around the Mall looking even more out of place and ridiculous than the hoards of tourist groups from all over the globe. If you are running to such a degree that your legs are almost gone, it would seem as though your form should be phenomenal and not embarrass you as much as your outfit and body type already does.

Thankfully, not all of the men in D.C were on this tragic level and every night we were taken out to super amazing restaurants and bars where we were greeted verrryyyy warmly by hot foreign dudes willing to give us free things, amazing fun times, and more importantly, lots of information from their native countries.

part of our ridic photoshoot at Buddha Bar with one of our international dudes 🙂

Normally, we are used to meeting guys from Wisconsin, Minnesota, Michigan and maybe a few from the outskirts of the Midwest, but within 20 minutes of getting to Buddha Bar, a very attractive Latino man approached us, and for real for once it was a grown man, who happened to be from Venezuela. It just so happened that he was with a group of lawyers studying at George Washington University, just for the heck of it because they had already been lawyers in their native countries for at least five years, who were from Peru and Argentina. For those of you who know us personally, you know we have a huge fetish for Argentina, so immediately after discovering where the criminal lawyer hailed from, we acted like the little chicas we are and freaked out knowing that finally we had found a man to tell us all about the land we so dearly hope to reside in one day.

Us at our future homeland's embassy!!!

These foreign dudes were not the end of our tour around the world of men in D.C.  The following night Kayla helped us continue on this incredibly sexy voyage by introducing us to her lover of the moment from Mexico and his friends from the U.S. Department of Agriculture.  This included Javier, a sexy young Mexican who came from a very wealthy, yet possibly sketchy family from the Mexican mafia.  Needless to say, we had tons of fun with him and Kayla’s boy while we bar hopped around Chinatown of DC.

The next night we went to another fantastic location called Café Citron, where we happened to find ourselves to be the only white people in the entire place.  Not that we’re complaining, because for us, the more races, the better….preferably when there are men from more than one country to help us full in our map of men we have had rendezvous with. We were enjoying our surroundings of Latinos and Middle Easterners when Celia happened upon a young 21 year-old from Afghanistan who quickly offered to take her to a private party on the secret third floor where his friend, a political refugee from Iran, was hosting his birthday party.

Tragically we were having too much fun dancing in VIP to take any pictures 😦

Meeting this man not only got all of us, plus Bethany and Kayla’s dates, away from the very crowded dance floor and into an amazing level where we could take over the dance floor and really have the fun we are known for, but meeting some of our first guys from the Middle East gave Celia a lesson in Farsi and the process of immigrating to the U.S from the countries we have made war-torn to a life of college and success in D.C.

Now we do realize we have talked about some superficial things in this blog, but this is a reflection of us and our true girl side and honestly would you want to hear about our take on current events in every post?!?! We did see all of the monuments and educate ourselves in the traditional ways like all of the school groups that crowded the Mall and museums we were trying to see, but for us we learn much better from experience and meeting new people. Our opinion on these things however would not be the most interesting thing or represent what we really got out of DC compared to being at home in Milwaukee. So basically what we are trying to say is if you like people watching, or in this case watching a wide array of freaky runners, while looking at very important buildings and museums and a large supply of international dudes when you go out to fancy restaurants and bars after your long day of sightseeing, Washington DC is the place for you.

Overall, we had a GREAT time!!

Additionally we are much better at talking to guys, well Celia for the most part, Bethany is the diplomat when it comes to warming the chicas up to us at most social functions, but we honestly have learned enough from all these Wisconsin guys that we have had our whole lives. This trip taught us that we need to see the world in as many ways as possible, and if that is while we are out talking to guys, so be it. We could honestly take those moments to just sass off and be a whore, but that is not us. We are going to find out what country you are from, get out all of the knowledge we can from you, and then go dance for the rest of the night in bliss holding on to all of the facts we learned and your hand as we walk out the door after yet another phenomenal night of being a Sass Monster. How else are we going to get leads and keep up the content for our beloved blog???? Thank you DC (and NYC) for a fantastic experience and watch out whatever city we take on next on our road to taking on the world!!!!


About Sass Monsters

We're the Sasses. Join us on our journey as we take on the world, and record all the juicy details.
This entry was posted in Bethany, Boys, Celia, Opinion/Response, Travel, Washington D.C.. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Washington D.C.: Your Sass Monster Guide

  1. easylifestyles says:

    Great post thanks for sharing. Traveling is a hobby of mine that I truly enjoy.

    Very Useful Vacation Travel Tips

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